How Do You Know How Others Perceive You?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAPerception is a strange thing. Whatever we see in front of us we automatically take to be the truth. Of course, it’s the truth according to our own model of the world around us and is heavily influenced by our own experiences. It’s how we perceive those around us as well as the situations we find ourselves in. So it stands to reason that people around us have the same limitations in what they see, they can’t perceive things in the same way we do.

If different people can have different, but similar, perceptions on the same situation difficulties can arise on ‘what needs to be done’ or ‘whether that situation is something to worry about or not’. Have ever been in a situation where you thought that something needed to be done but someone else argued against it because it wasn’t necessary? “It’ll be alright on the night” springs to mind. What is happening here is a conflict of perceptions. What you see as something that needs to be attended to according to your experiences is something that is of little or no consequence based on that other person’s experiences.

Open and honest dialogue between the two of you ought to be able to overcome this and a common understanding of what you are both viewing is the obvious way forward. But this doesn’t always happen because those life experiences that influence us can be extremely powerful and it takes quite some argument for us to go against what we perceive to be the truth.

In workplace situations this can exhibit itself when senior managers and leaders make decisions that they believe to be true in the face of what appears to be considerable differences of opinion. That leader or senior manager may well have more appropriate life experiences that enable them to make the right call but this can never be assumed. A leader who assumes they can always make the right call just because they are at the ‘top-of-the-shop’ is one who has become blinded by the power of the position they hold.

So what should leaders and managers do if they start to consider that their perceptions may be getting in the way of or hindering performance? Recognizing this is a step in the right direction to becoming a more self-aware leader and this in itself is a step not everyone makes. A leader who acknowledges that different perceptions are at play and wants to do something about it needs to pay particular attention to three activities:


In any interactions with others or when observing situations from afar you need to see how people react to you and to others around them. Immediate reactions in terms of facial expressions, answers to questions, body language will all tell you something. Reactions coming later such as e-mails, phone calls, other meetings all tell you something about the impact you had.


As well as observing the impact you are having on those around you why not simply ask people? This is the principle of 360° feedback but you need a more fluid response and not something that happens only occasionally and has a built in formality to it that often puts people off.

It is possible to ask outright and this certainly works with those who know you well. For others asking questions such as “How did you see that situation?” or “With your experience, what would you suggest?” allow you to uncover the different perceptions at play in your business or team.

Remember that if you are in a position of authority people who work for you may feel uneasy (to start with at least) saying exactly what they think and may tell you what they think you want to hear.


Your own self-awareness will only develop if you take time to reflect on what you are observing and what people are telling you. Are the reactions to what you do and what you say what you expect? Is what you are seeing when watching others respond to things you have said or done in line with your expectations? When you are talking with people and uncovering their perceptions on shared situations or incidents is there that much of a difference or are there very different views. It’s not possible to treat each of the situations you’ve experienced one at a time. You need to consider them as a whole – what is a week’s worth or a month’s worth of interactions telling you?

Over time you will build an ever-improving picture of how others perceive you and in doing so you will be better placed to appreciate how others will respond to you. This may not change the decisions you ultimately make but your confidence in having made the best decision will increase. And if there are difficulties arising you will be better placed to recognize them.

5 thoughts on “How Do You Know How Others Perceive You?

  1. A very well crafted post about conflict of perceptions, simple and straight to the point.
    I totally agree with the bottom line. Sometimes our past experiences, our culture and our
    inner beliefs, although extremely valuable, are like coloured glasses, that make us perceive
    just one color of the visible spectrum…and just one part of the data at our disposal.
    It is hard to remove these glasses and it takes efforts and good will but I think that
    this could provide to us even more valuable experiences.
    This is even more important on the management side and, as the post points out, even
    more difficult. In part because you can be blinded by the power of the position and in part
    because people are less eager to talk openly to you.
    About this point it is valuable the tip about casual conversation and I would like to
    suggest some anonimous questionnaire from time to time during the life of a project
    about the management of the different activities.
    Another tip I find very useful is to ask just open-ended questions, that is to say questions where
    the other person cannot respond just with a yes or with a no. open-ended questions are less intimidating and let you better understand what your interlocutor feels deep inside.
    A little of empathy is always required…if you want to remove those coloured glasses.

    • Emanuele,

      Thank-you for your kind words and for your thoughtful observations. I like your suggestion about anonymous questionnaires, in fact it’s something I’ve done a few times with varied success. I found that the responses were mostly what I would have expected but occasionally there were really useful things that seem to come out of nowhere, but made me think about things I’d never considered before.

      I totally agree with your point about open questions, it’s something all managers and leaders need to be aware of and reminded of as it’s so easy to slip into the habit of asking for confirmation of your own ideas or thoughts.


  2. Agreed Jenny. Our cultures and upbringing are key elements of our life experiences which do, as you say, drive our perceptions of others and how they might respond or react to us.

  3. Pingback: How Do You Know How Others Perceive You? | Mindful Leadership & Intercultural Communication |

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